Jilynn's Blog

Soothing sleep. How I treasured it that night. It had been a very long night. Plane chairs are not very comfortable if you’re wondering. I can’t believe I was on that plane for almost six hours. Before sleep grasped me that night, I remember looking out at the city of Harrisburg. My home. A few tears fell, but I had already cried my share that day. No need to continue. It was time to go forward to what would be my new home. No turning back now. I mean, I was already on the plane, so I really couldn’t leave, even if I wanted to.  

That morning came way too quickly. Sleep tugged at my eyes, but there was no time to give in. The plane was about to land, so I had to get up. My mom sat next to me, waiting for me to wake up so we could open the blind on the plane window and peek out to see this new country we were to call our home. Portugal. It amazes me that back then, I thought Portugal was an ugly name for a country. I slowly opened the blind and was blasted by the sudden brightness. I didn’t know then that Portugal was the second sunniest country in the world. Once my eyes focused, I then saw this new country I was going to live in. I’ll never forget that view from the plane. A deep blue sky stretching all around me. Not a cloud to be seen for miles upon end. Almost every house was a sandy orange color, which gave the country an appearance of a scorched desert, desperately pleading for spring’s rain.  

Once off the plane, the principal of my new school, who worked in the same missionary organization, came to greet us, and take us to our new house. As we walked out of the airport, I remember feeling the blazing heat. Back in Harrisburg, that August day had only been about eighty degrees, but Portugal had worked its way up to a miraculous 101 degrees. We drove to a mall, where much to our chagrin, we had yet another fast-food meal in the food court. This is where I remember learning my first words in Portuguese, which till this day I still remember. Hello and thank you. Óla and Obrigada.  

After a brief lunch, we went to our new house, which was next to the principal’s house. It was on top of a large hill in a city called Ramada. I remember being so excited, not realizing that the house wouldn’t have air conditioning. I walked in with utter disappointment that the temperature was only slightly cooler. The USA had made me spoiled. Our house was two stories, but we only lived on the bottom one. Our landlord, who we never understood because he didn’t speak any English, lived in the floor above us. The house was one long hallway, with six rooms. My room was right next to our front door. I remember being so excited to finally have my own room again. We had left our house in PA about two weeks before, so I was glad to have a house again. It wouldn’t be the same though. We had left my sister and oldest brother back in PA so they could go to college, so it would be just me and my older brother Jaden. I lay on my new bed, in my new room, excited to be in my new house. Suddenly, jet lag hit me, and I fell asleep again.  

It had only been a few days since I arrived in Portugal, but the place was growing on me. It was Sunday, and I was in our new car someone had given us, driving to our new church. These days had been a blast, going to the beach and exploring this new country, but it was now that I realized that this wasn’t just a fun trip. This would be my life for a while. I didn’t know how long then. If I had known, I may have treasured each moment a bit longer. We arrived at our new church. We hardly knew anyone. Only a few missionaries who lived close enough to attend the small church down the road. The service was just starting. I remember the first song we sang to this day. It was as uplifting and joyful as the congregation singing it. That was the time I saw people truly worshiping Jesus, with every bone in their body. It amazed me that people in a whole other country were worshiping the same Jesus I loved and came to this country to serve.  

After the songs, they dismissed the children, which at the time, included me. I was about nine years old, so going off by myself felt like the end of the world. I followed the other children and sat down in a chair around a table with a few others. They all seemed about my age. I remember two boys, looking at me as if I didn’t belong, and a girl who just stared into my eyes. Everyone there had deep brown eyes, but I had hazel, which apparently was the weirdest thing ever. It was then I realized, this new kid stuff wasn’t going to be a breeze. It wasn’t going to be like kindergarten, where the first person you met was your new best friend. This was something totally different.  

The following day was my first day at my new school. It was an international school, so it was filled with kids from all over the world. Thankfully, all of them spoke a rough English. The first day of school didn’t feel very much like the first day of any typical school. I got a few casual stares, but nothing that stopped me from my mission that day. I was going to make a friend. I didn’t know how hard that would be. This wasn’t like in PA, where you would go to the playground, and leave with four new friends. I walked into my small classroom that only had about eight other students. This surprised me. This was both the third and fourth grade, and it was only eight students in total. I sat next to a girl with bright red hair. I didn’t know then that she would be the hardest one to say goodbye to. I left my first day of school with a new friend, my goal achieved. The girl with red hair. Gabriella.  

Months had passed quickly. Before I knew it, winter had passed, along with that summer I arrived, and spring was in full swing. There were so many dandelions that year. They covered the whole schoolyard like a sea of glowing sunshine. We studied Portuguese at school, but since I knew none to start, my mom looked into finding my brother and I Portuguese lessons. So, from that spring on, every Tuesday, my brother and I would walk down the alley, past the stray cats and into our neighbor, Miss. Matilde’s house where we would study Portuguese for an hour. I remember one specifically frustrating afternoon, where we were learning how to tell the difference between masculine and feminine words. I never knew that was how most languages worked. It fascinated me. On that sticky afternoon, was the moment I realized how much I really did love Portugal. The day I knew it was my home.  

We had lived in Portugal for almost two years now, and I couldn’t believe it was time to say goodbye. I remember rolling my suitcase out the front door, trying to be brave. I pet our landlord’s stray cat. Even though I had grown to hate it, it felt bitter-sweet to leave her. As we drove away, I recalled my first day here, and I how I thought it would be impossible for this place to be my home. Boarding the plane reminded me only of the place I was leaving, not the one I was going to. Writing this now brings back all the memories of my wonderful home. And all the moments I wished I could have savored more.  

We arrived back in PA. My dad had gotten a promotion, which required him to leave Portugal, and return to the headquarters of the missionary organization we are a part of. The first months back were hard on all of us. We had left on the last day of May and arrived on the first day of June, which only reminded me more that I couldn’t spend yet another summer in Portugal. The vibrant blue skies and the brightest sun possible. All that was gone. Replaced with cloudy skies that made the cerulean skies of my home appear to have never existed. Till this day, it still feels almost like a dream. Those clear skies, the dusty tan houses, the palm trees swaying with the wind. But it wasn’t a dream, it was my home. The PA I remembered no longer felt like my home. That first night back, I didn’t sleep. Not because of jet lag, but because the memories of Portugal kept my eyes from closing. 

We talked about Portugal all the time. We spoke Portuguese together. We talked of the places we loved in Portugal. But nothing cured our homesickness. I went to the normal places I was supposed to go. School. Church. The grocery store. But every place brought an alternative memory of Portugal. The school with the sandy pink walls. The church with the energetic people who couldn’t praise Jesus with any more joy. The grocery store with the overwhelming smell of fish. Everything brought a memory. Those moments in my day where someone would help me forget about my home were the best parts of my day, but also the worst, because after those moments were gone, the pain would flood back in stronger than ever. Those days were some of the worst days of my life.  

Slowly, those days of sadness would fade away. Soon, only a few memories would come to me a day, but they wouldn’t bring as much pain, but rather a bitter-sweet feeling. Like a distant memory from childhood. I would go through my day with less depression, and more joy. God gave me joy and brought my personality of energy and happiness back. I remember one day in sixth grade, the year I came back, there were two deaf girls sitting alone. Seeing them eating their lunches alone brought me back to the days at Portuguese church, where I was excluded from the group. No one thought to include the American girl. That day, I went to sit with them. That is one thing God did through my two years in Portugal. He showed me how to show compassion toward other people. Now, nearly four years later, I can look back on how God changed me through my life in Portugal, and I wouldn’t trade the memories and the experience I had in Portugal for anything. I don’t consider myself the same as I was before Portugal. Like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon. Not different. Transformed. 

The rain beat on the streaky windows.

The sky a smudge of brown and gray.

The haze brought a feeling of disappointment and depression to this morning.

This Monday morning.

The trees drooped, feeling the weight of the mood of this tiresome morning.

The grass, though wild and damp, even seemed weepier than usual.

This morning.

This Monday morning.

I stare at the golden crackling fire.

Its sparks dissipating,

through the moonlit sky.

The black logs burn,

though they are nothing but ash.

I smell the smoke and see my friends.

My friends.

What a gift from God,

just like the fire.

I stared out the window

of the rusty aging van.

I long to leap out,

but I cannot.

I want to feel the cool wind

on my face.

I want to run

through the lush green forests,

although they are dead.

I want to chase the soft silver clouds,

that abide in that azure blue sky.

I want to gallop

through the trees toward the clouds,

but I stay in the sputtery van.

Maybe I can, but not today.

Then I say to myself,

Thank you Lord,

for the shamrock green forests

and the trickling streams.

The clouds that bring fog and mist.

For the sky of deep blue.

Lord, thank you.

The wheelchair. It lay still by the desk of the physical therapist’s office. It looked so weird without my brother in it. He had been wheeling around in it for over three months now. You would think I wouldn’t have gotten so attached to it. My twin brother, Bobby, was working with the physical therapist with my mom and my dad was at work, so I was stuck sitting in Bobby’s usual room. I observed the tiny room I had seen so many times before, only every other time I had been here, I had brought my phone or my softball or something. But this time, I was left with nothing to entertain me, so I looked around the bland looking office. It was dark, because the builders didn’t have the decency to put a window in. You would think that the builders would have thought that people who needed help to walk or even move would have wanted to look out a window. But there was no window, so that meant there was no choice but to turn on the horrid fluorescent overhead lights. If I were a PT, I would make sure there were windows in every room and that if there were any lights, they would be soft white lights coming from tall lamps in the corners of the rooms. Doctor Olivia Willis. Probably Dr. Ollie for short. But there was no way I was gonna be a PT after seeing this boring place. As I looked around the tiny room, I could hear screams and laughter echoing from the next room over. The room felt so depressing. Right at the moment when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, the PT in training pushed the door open as Bobby stumbled in, holding Mom’s arm as he slowly made his way back to the wheelchair that was waiting for him. He looked at me. His eyes told me that he couldn’t take the pain any longer, but I knew he wasn’t gonna cry in front of the PT in training. He was not known for showing his emotions to other people. Not even to Mom. I could usually get it out of him though. That is part of my job of being his twin. 

“Alrighty Bobby! You did great. We are almost done for today. I’ll go get Dr. Lemone and then you guys can head on out,” beamed the PT in training that I had never seen before. She left the room and I could hear Bobby give out a big sigh of relief. I knew how much he hated physical therapy, but today, it sounded like it was a lot harder than usual. I looked at him to see if I could read his eyes to know what he was thinking. Everyone thinks twins can’t actually read each other’s eyes, but everyone who says that aren’t twins, so they don’t know anything about eye-reading. He looked at me with eyes that said, I can’t do this anymore. I could feel his pain. Part of being a twin, is feeling what the other one feels sometimes. I gave him a soft look that said, I know it’s hard, but you don’t have to do this for too much longer. Be strong. I could tell he knew what my eyes had said to him. Then, out came the PT. 

“Well October,” Dr. Lemone began. I could hear him wince at being called his real name. His real name was October Robert Willis, but no one calls him that. He decided that he would shorten his middle name to Bobby and it has been that way ever since. The only time he is called October is when Mom is mad at him or, in this case, when Dr. Lemone speaks to him. 

Dr. Lemone continued. “You seem to not be making any improvement. At this rate, you are on the road to being relocated.” I glanced over and saw him make a face that said NO. I knew he didn’t want to be relocated, and quite frankly, I didn’t want him to be relocated either. He is my best friend. I couldn’t lose him. But I knew, if he was relocated, it would give him a chance to get better. But I also knew I would never see him again. I looked over at Dr. Lemone. Her sour face had a small glimmer of hope in it. I knew Dr. Lemone hated Bobby, but I didn’t think she wanted him to be relocated so badly. The relocation rule was relatively new. I didn’t think that she cared all that much about it. I got up and walked right out of the room. I couldn’t take anymore of this. I could feel Bobby’s disappointment and I could tell that Dr. Lemone was just loving it. I walked into the room right next to Bobby’s. I shut the door and hid in the corner. Just in case. This room had a large window that took up one wall of the already small room, but it didn’t look outside, it looked into a smaller, more cramped room that had buttons and levers. Not my expertise. The room I was in had a device on the wall that looked like a filter. Surrounding it was little holes just like the filter, only it looked like they sucked in the air instead. I was in the middle of observing the floor when a PT walked in, rolling a girl in a wheelchair into the center of the empty room. I realized then that there wasn’t any furniture in this room. I stayed hidden in the corner. The shadows hid me well.

“Okay Bessy. Are you ready for your relocation?” Asked the PT with a strange look in her eyes. Bessy nodded as the PT walked into the tiny room with the buttons and panels. She pushed a large button and the room started filling up with a fog.The fog came from the filter surrounded by little holes.  I held my breath because there was no way I was breathing in whatever that evil looking PT was putting in this room. It was so foggy, that I couldn’t see Bessy anymore. Then, the little holes began sucking up the fog and the filter no longer blew fog out. All at once, I saw Bessy, limp in her wheelchair. She’s dead. I couldn’t believe it was true. That sweet looking girl lay limp as a dead fish in her wheelchair. The PT walked and I took a breath. I figured I could breathe now that the fog was gone. She rolled what once was Bessy over to a corner where she shoved the body into a hatch on the side of the wall. She rolled the wheelchair out and the parents of poor Bessy sat waiting for a report from the PT. I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was no way I was letting Dr. Lemone do this to my twin brother. I just had to come up with a plan first. 

That night, I decided to tell Bobby some of what I found out. I didn’t want to tell him ‘you’re gonna die’ but I did want to warn him that relocation is one big death party. I walked into Bobby’s room. He was sitting in his wheelchair reading his favorite book, “Treasure Island”. I have no idea why he reads that junk. I mean, that stuff is so hard to read with all that gibberish. 

“How ya doing?” I started in, thinking it was a good way to see how he felt before I told him the bad news.  He closed his book and stared at the floor. I knew he was upset that he didn’t make the progress that the PT wanted him to make. I sat on the edge of his bed. I decided that I better just tell him. 

“So, at the PT today, when I left the room, I found out something that I think you should know,” I mumbled. I tried to look at him, but his eyes were glued to the ground. 

“I walked into this room with these things that shot fog through the air. There was a little girl in there and a PT was giving her the fog from another room. When the fog cleared up, the little girl wasn’t moving. The PT shoved her down a giant trash chute and told her parents she was relocated. Bobby, do you know what this means?” I was talking so fast, I was not even sure he heard half the stuff I had just blabbed about. He finally looked at me. I could see tears in his eyes. I knew I had to do something, but what? 

After an hour of brainstorming with Bobby, we had finally come up with a plan. His next appointment was in two weeks. We were going to spend every minute outside of school and church practicing. Practicing the things that the PT had told him to do. Stretches. Walking down a hallway and back. Trying to go down the stairs. We were gonna do it all, so when the time came for his appointment, our parents wouldn’t send him, because he was doing so well. 

The next two weeks went by in a snap. We practiced day and night. Night and day. I knew that this was torture for Bobby, but I knew that he would do it if it meant that he could stay with us. I got the worst grades I ever had that week. I was too busy caring about Bobby and relocation to worry about schoolwork. We stretched and walked the halls and stairs about a million times. But the greatest moment of the two weeks was on the 12th day. Two days before appointment. He had not been improving at all, but when he got out of his wheelchair that day, I knew something was different about him. I still remember the face he made. His eyes were focused, his mouth was straight, his head was held high, and he walked. All the other days, he had fallen on the rough carpet we had, but that day, he glided down the halls of our house, beaming with each step. He had told me later he had no idea what had happened, but he felt like he was walking on the clouds. I could see him in my mind, galloping through the sky, touching soft tufts of fluff coming off of enormous clouds, humming his favorite song and breathing in the fresh smelling mist.  

We didn’t end up going to his appointment that week, which meant our plan had worked, but I didn’t know the trouble that laid ahead. Dr. Lemone called my parents six times the following week. I knew something was odd about Dr. Lemone, but I couldn’t worry about that now. My best friend’s life was at stake. One day while Bobby and I were practicing, I walked in and heard Dr. Lemone on speaker phone, talking to my parents. I listened in. I knew I shouldn’t, but I just had to. Natural curiosity can be a beast sometimes. 

Dr. Lemone began speaking. “Mr. and Mrs. Willis, why did October not come to his appointment last week?”

“We figured he didn’t need to go. He has been doing so well, practicing with his sister and working so hard, we thought he didn’t need the extra practice,” My dad responded. 

“I don’t believe you have the right to know if October is well enough to stop going to his appointments.  Please send October to his next appointment or we will come to your house. Is that really necessary?” Argued Dr. Lemone. 

“We will come to his next appointment. There is no need for you to come to our house.” My parents murmured. I knew they hated taking Bobby because it was torture for him. Dr. Lemone hung up. I tiptoed to Bobby’s room where we were stretching to tell him the news. We came up with this awesome plan that we were gonna prank call Dr. Lemone and tell her that she had an appointment that day with another patient and so she would have to reschedule Bobby’s appointment. That would buy us a little time.

The next day, I decided to go out with some friends to play some softball. Bobby and I were gonna call Dr. Lemone later today, so I thought I should spend some time having fun and not thinking about the whole relocation thing. When I came back, the house was empty. I looked around the lifeless house, and found a note taped to the fridge. Ollie, We went to Dr. Lemone for an emergency relocation. We will be back soon, Mom and Dad. On the back, there was a note from Bobby. Ollie, please help me. If it’s too late, I just want you to know, you are the best twin sister I could ever ask for. Your bro, Bobby. I read the note through teary eyes. I couldn’t let my brother be killed by evil physical therapists. It was about time someone heard the truth. 

I raced to the phone and called the people who could help me the most. After the call, I rode my bike to the PT office. I saw so many patients, but none were Bobby. I searched the room frantically. I finally spotted him and raced to him. But I was too late. They shut him into the room with the fog. Right before the fog started, I ran in there and grabbed hold of his wheelchair. 

“Hold your breath!” I screamed, as I pulled him out of the deathly room.  The police arrived just in time. I sighed in relief as they examined my brother to see if the fog had done any damage to him. He was perfectly fine. I watched them handcuff Dr. Lemone and the other PT’s. But I felt different on the inside. I didn’t feel content like I thought I would feel. Then, I knew what was wrong. I walked up to the cuffed Dr. Lemone and I gave her a hug.

“I forgive you” I said, staring her right in the eye. I was serious. I walked back to Bobby who was telling mom and dad about the whole thing. I smiled. I was so glad that my twin brother, my best friend, could live with me another day.

The next day at school, I was eating lunch with my friends and I saw a girl. She was sitting all alone. Some boys walked over to her. I couldn’t hear what they said, but I could see the redness on her cheeks. She cried as they continued mocking her. She began to move towards another table, but they followed her. I could feel the hurt she felt. I stood straight up and walked over to her. I didn’t care about everyone else staring at me. I had to do this. I came up to the boys and stared at them, right in the dead center of their eyes. I tried to look like I meant business. 

“Stop.” I said forcefully. They chuckled at me, but I looked at them fiercely. 

“Whatcha gonna do about it Oliver?” The leader of the pack sang. I stared at him, with intense eyes. 

“Do you really need another detention on your record, Malcolm? Because I can make that happen. By the way, it’s Ollie.” They backed away. I sat down next to the strawberry colored girl. 

“Hi! I’m Olivia, but you can call me Ollie. I think those guys won’t bother you for awhile.” She stared at me, slightly frightened, and gave a brief introduction of herself. As the bell rang, I walked out of the lunchroom, wheeling my new friend, Ella, in her flower covered wheelchair. 

I am trapped behind the wall.

Lights show from the other side,

But I feel darkness.

I start clawing at the wall with my bare hands.

I cry my way out and find God.

He is brighter than a thousand fireflies,

Taller than the tallest skyscrapers,

Bigger than the biggest clouds in the sky.

He holds the universe on his finger,

His humming makes the wind that blows the windmills.

He teaches the birds their loving songs,

He holds us all in his lap,

And he will never let go of his children

And the wall will never be rebuilt!

Spring

Green, glittery

Sparkling, shining, growing

Flowers, plants, leaves, aromas

Raking, falling, relaxing

Colorful, breezy

Autumn

Quick note: words may be spelled wrong do to the character’s personality!

 

May 12th, 2023

 

August, can you rite rite now?

Sure can. Just make sure Miss. Toldempole doesn’t see us passing notes back and forth. 

Good!! i have news! Did you hear about what happened last week?

No. I was on vacation to Alaska.

You haven’t heard about it yet? It’s all over school! There was a ghost!

I don’t believe in ghosts! Are you tricking me like the time you told me a vampire lived in the library?

No! This is true! i saw it with my own eyes! It all started in english class. mrs. harold droned on about adverbs or pronouns or somethin’ and then there was this shriek! It was loud and ear piercing and gross! Then there was this stench and it reeked of rotten flesh and old bones. 

Ewww! So gross! But let’s get to the point, did you SEE the ghost?

i was getting there! Everyone was super freaked out and half of the class passed out from a mixture of the stench and the shrieks. Those of us who had guts like me ventured on. There was me, oscar and natalie. We saw that the vent was open near the window so we climbed in.

How come you did get caught? Wasn’t Mrs. Harold yelling at you? She loves doing that!

I know rite! She was out cold before the stench! Anyway, we went into the vent and bear crawled through the vent. The stench was super strong! Oscar claimed he left a pie in the microwave and took off crawlin’. natalie and i bravely crawled through the stench. I waited for Natatlie to leave of faint of somethin’ and once she was officially gone by the third squeal, i was on my own.  

How were you not scared? If I heard the squeal, I would have taken off screaming and then I would have fainted!

Just what i thought! You would be too chicken! Anyway, i crawled on and i saw this light. It burned my eyes! Then, i was staring face to face with a ghost! 

That’s not true! You are just playing another one of your mean tricks!

i am not! i was so freaked out! i couldn’t take a pic though. the next thing i knew the ghost took me! Luckily, i was able to escape. Everyone forgot about it because they all fainted, but not me.

How come you didn’t forget?

i slap floor.

 

If you are confused on “I slap floor” Then remember that the day this took place was on the first day of the 4th month!

Waiting, shaking

So jittery

Nervous

Sang proud and hopeful

I felt my nerves fall off my shoulders like heavy red bricks sinking into grainy sand

People saying amazing work

Seeing my name on the list

I felt my knees buckle like a sleek silver seat belt

I had to do it all over again

Sweat dripped off my face like droplets condescending off a chilled glass of cool water

Teary, shaking

Nervous

Acting out my assigned lines

I felt my nerves slip away as I entered the fantasy of pretend

People encouraging

The youngest there

Heart pounds out of my chest like a never ending beat of a thumping drum

Nervous

Sang my songs of hope as I escaped my reality.

People encouraging

I sat there

Awaiting my fate

I saw my name on the list

A solo in a song

I sunk like a skipping stone that once skidded across a vast stream

I went to every practice

Frustrated and tired

Nervous

Sudden kindness shown

Like a sprinkle of life in a dreary black ashy garden

Or like a drop of rain in long forgotten dusty stale drought

New friendships made

Spinning  and skipping

In happiness and peace

Show night commenced

So excited

So ready

I sang my song

In my glittering green dress and flowing auburn wig and sparkling crown

Full of joy

So encouraged 

Shining like a glowing sun after days of charcoal black clouds wafting in the once blue skies

Friends congratulating me

I danced and sang

In my new wavy pants and slate black skirt

My eccentric yellow shirt and and the same slate black antennas

Everyone and everything so right and wonderful

Like the last piece of a long deserving puzzle

So encouraged 

Friends

Bonds that will never break or shatter

MMS school musical   

From the minute

I sang my first note

And played those shining white and black keys

On the grand piano

Under the chandelier

I knew one thing was true

I was made to make music

I love reading your infinite magic

Like inky notes scurrying across an open endless sheet

I love it all

It encouraged me and pushed me while moving back and forth

It keeps me singing when things get rocky

It moves me and pulls me to bigger and better challenges.

Even when I’m wrinkly and rusty

I will always adore you